The Tree In The Clearing
There was a
salesman who had been on the road for a long time and, entering the town of
Salem, he went to a local tavern. He
walked up to the bar and ordered a drink.
When the bartender brought his drink, he said, “I’ve been on the road
for several weeks and I’m desperate for a little nooky. Are there any working girls in town?”
The bartender
said, “Sorry. People here a pretty
straight-laced and prostitution is forbidden.”
The salesman
downed his drink and started to walk out.
But the bartender
said, “Sir. If you’re really desperate,
I know where you can have your needs taken care of.”
The salesman said,
“Oh, man. I’m desperate. What have you got?”
The bartender
leaned close. “Well. You can go east out of town and keep going
until you see a dirt road on your left.
You go down that road and you’ll come to a small clearing with a tree in
it. When you get there, you’ll know what
to do.”
The salesman was
skeptical, but he decided to follow the bartender’s instructions.
He drove east out
of town and kept going until he came to a dirt road to his left. He drove down the road and soon came to a
clearing with a tree in it. When he got
out of his car and walked over to the tree, not knowing what to expect. But as he got closer, he could see that the
trunk of the tree was shaped like a woman’s body, and there was a patch of moss
where pubic hair would be. On closer
examination, he discovered that there was a hole in the moss.
At first, he was
leery about having sex with a tree, but the more he looked at the shapely
trunk, the better it began to look.
Finally, he cast caution aside and made love to the tree. And he was surprised how good it felt, as if
it were actually a woman.
When he was done,
he got into his car and headed on his way.
But as he travelled along his route, he couldn’t get the tree out of his
mind. The more he thought about it, the
more he was convinced that he had to have the tree. By the time he got home, the tree had become
an obsession to him. Finally, he decided
that he would go back, dig up the tree and bring it back home with him.
The next day, he
put a shovel in the back of his pick-up truck and headed back to Salem. When he got to the dirt road, he pulled in
and drove back to the clearing. Then he
got his shovel and began digging up the tree.
But he had just begun
to dig when a mob of people ran out of the woods and surrounded him. Then, without preamble, they produced a rope
and hanged the salesman from the tree.
While he was
kicking and gasping for air, he realized his mistake…you can’t take the
cunt-tree out of Salem.
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